Tiramisu

I treated myself to tiramisu today!

Because here’s the deal,

satan has brought a real

crap storm lately.

And because I had to get up and take an important exam in Waupaca this morning- and because I did good on it-

I decided to treat myself to my favorite dessert.

The Superintendent talked about wrestling with God today.

And while I was sitting there this morning…

I realized two things.

One. I’ve been allowing myself to be consumed by peoples impossible expectation of who I am and how I should be. It’s completely drained me. Every ounce.

And through this, I’ve allowed satan to sneak in and keep me down to the point of feeling absolutely debilitated.

Two. I’ve been wrestling with God throughout this entire experience. And while it’s now not a, “let me pick this back up” type of power struggle, but more of a “bless me” plea, clinging to Him fiercely and not letting go… I’ve become absolutely humbled that I passed this class.

I know there’s so much more to come.

But today is the first day in what feels like quite sometime where I feel like I’ve pulled myself out of that dark black pit and I rolled up my sleeves.

I may have taken a couple

licks to the jaw.

But I always get back up!

I may bawl like a baby because the trauma and awful memories come fleeting back in. I may curl up in a ball and miss my baby. I may miss him more because September 4th is coming and that’s the day my child died.

But this is my declaration that I will never stop living.

Praise to You, Jesus! ⬇️

If you’re sitting in that depressive state, please hang on. It’s okay to take a step back. It’s okay to take five steps back. It’s okay to feel sad. And it’s okay to cry! It’s okay to feel lost, lonely and yes, even abandoned. But call out to Him. He wants all of you. Yes,

Even the broken, most shattered parts.

Even the mad parts. Even the questioning parts. Surrender it to Him.

And. L I V E!

YOU are loved.

And you are worth your favorite dessert, too!

🎶 'Cause You stepped into my Egypt

And You took me by the hand,

And You marched me out in freedom.

Into the promised land.

And now I will not forget You.

I'll sing of all You've done!

Death is swallowed up forever.

By the fury of Your love. 🎶